I failed a little today.
As I sit in my dark bedroom with just the flicker of a candle for a light, I reflect back on my day. It has been a great day, filled with laughter, a family trip for ice cream and time spent with friends.
A day that I would like to do over again, at least part of it.
Twice today I lost my temper with my middle son.
This is the son who is much like me.
This is the sweet boy that I know for sure God gave to me so that I can learn patience.
He is the one who God gave me to guarantee that I would always be praying and always striving to be closer to God. For strength. For patience.
I’ll be honest, I wish I was more patient today.
I wish I had reacted better to his behavior. I wish I had taken a deep breath during that split second between his misbehavior and my reaction. I wish I had remembered that my role as mother is to love, correct and teach with love.
Some days that is easy to do. But some days it takes so much more.
At the end of the day, we both felt badly about how the day had ended. He apologized and so did I. And as I kissed his sweet head goodnight and gave him his nightly blessing I told him that I forgave him and I asked for his forgiveness as well.
But I was still troubled. I was actually angry with myself for my poor reaction. So how do I move on from today? When I’ve lost my patience so badly?
As I took this question to God in prayer, the one word that keep coming up was…. Grace. God’s grace.
So I prayed for God’s grace tonight.
I asked for His forgiveness for not reacting in a loving way to my son.
And I prayed for His forgiveness for allowing my impatience to take the place of His love.
Sometimes its so easy to give grace to others than to give it to ourselves.
When someone is rude to me at the supermarket, I think they must be having a rough day….Grace.
When someone cuts me off in traffic or won’t give me a chance to merge into a lane, I think they must be running late to something important…Grace.
When a friend does not return my messages or forgets my birthday, I think she must be so busy with her family right now…Grace.
Or the guy who insists on tailgating me even though I’m already going the speed limit, and I think…actually I got nothing for that guy. That’s just plain rude and annoying.
My point is, we freely give grace to others. Yet, we withhold grace from ourselves. Grace in knowing that you are doing your best and that you may stumble today but you have tomorrow to try again.
And so as I prayed and poured my heart to my Father, I asked Him for his Grace and I could feel a peace rush over me. I am forgiven and I have been shown grace.
It is “but by God’s grace I am what I am, and the grace that He gave me was not without effect.” (1 Corinthians 15:10)
Tomorrow will be a new day. A day where I say sorry again to my son. A day when I will give grace to others as I have been given grace by my Father.
I could beat myself up about the way I acted today. I could give in to the doubt that I am not a good enough mother. That I am not patient and loving enough. That my son deserves better than me.
But I won’t!
I am imperfect. I know my limitations. And I know that if I turn to my Father, my daddy, for help that He will always help me.
To paraphrase St. Paul, my limitations are opportunities for God to show up and do amazing things.
So tonight as I drift off the sleep I will let go of all the times I have failed today. Instead I will give myself grace and know that its okay to not get it right all the time.
Each day is an opportunity to grow. To learn. To give and receive grace.So if today has not been a great day for you, please give yourself some grace. Be gentle with yourself and know that you will fail sometimes and its okay. Click To Tweet
Tomorrow is a new day! A day to say sorry to those you have hurt; to become the mother you were destined to be.
Do not let your mess ups of today define your tomorrow. Remember you are strong, you are brave, you are amazing.
And if you fail, like I did today, remind yourself that you are enough. You have been given your children for a reason. There is something in you that your child needs in order to become the person God intended them to be.
Breath in God’s cool, refreshing grace and peace. Breath out all the angst of today.
And tomorrow. Well tomorrow will be different. And if isn’t, then we will keep trying, keep praying and keep trusting that where we are short, God will make up the difference.
PS – I wrote this post on Saturday night and when I went to church on Sunday I was overjoyed to see the bulletin with the beautiful word, Grace, on it. I took it as a sign that God indeed is telling me to seek out His grace. He is asking you to do the same and to call on Him whenever you need help. May His Grace be enough for me. And for you!